Special Day Coming Up

Hey everyone....quick news. I wanted to let everyone know that Jen's sister Marie is getting married this coming Saturday. Please keep her in your thoughts and well wishes...

Thoughts and Thank Yous

It dawns on me as I post this morning that it has been two months since Jen left us here...I can't say that time has healed any of the hurt and pain...in some ways it feels like it has only grown stronger. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her terribly, and the house feels particularly lonely on the weekends. I have shed many a tear, and imagine that thousands more will be shed before things begin to look back up. I want to thank everyone for the thoughts, prayers, cards. I especially appreciate all who attended the memorial services, as well as those who graciously made contributions in Jen's name to The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I know some have done the Light the Night walks, and I can not express how much it means to me for people to keep Jen's memory and spirit alive. I'm sure I could write forever, but as I am doing this at work, I will wrap it up for now....please check back, as I plan to post some more.

Jeremy

The Times-Union Obituary I wanted to run...

This obit is a little different than the one that ran in the paper....cut some to save on the cost...

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Jennifer Knapper Baker

Jennifer Knapper Baker, 28, died from complications from a 7-month battle with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML) on August 10, at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, MD. She lived in Arlington, VA.

Jennifer was born February 12, 1978 in Kalamazoo, MI to Robert K. and Janice K. Knapper. She graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Environmental Science from Allegheny College in 2000 and with a Master of Education in Student Personnel in Higher Education from the University of Florida in 2003. As a student, she worked as a Resident Advisor and Resident Director at Allegheny College and as a Graduate Hall Director at the University of Florida.

Jennifer was united in marriage to Jeremy J. Baker on June 21, 2003 at Atlantic Beach, FL. After returning from her honeymoon, Jennifer worked as an Area Coordinator at The University of North Florida in Jacksonville, FL from 2003 to 2005. While living in Jacksonville, Jennifer loved making weekend trips out to the beach. She also enjoyed spending time with her friends and family, as well as going to Suns and Barracudas games, and following her beloved Florida Gators. Since June 2005, Jennifer served as the Assistant Director of Residence Life and Judicial Affairs Manager at Marymount University in Arlington, VA.

Jennifer belonged to numerous professional organizations within the higher education field, including SEAHO, ACUHO-I, NASPA, and ACPA.

Jennifer is preceded in death by her father, Robert K. Knapper. Jennifer is survived by her husband of 3 years, Jeremy J. Baker of Arlington, VA; her mother Janice K. Knapper of Kalamazoo, MI; her sister Marie A. Knapper of Kalamazoo, MI; and a long list of extended family and friends across the country.

A memorial service for Jennifer will be held on Saturday, September 9 at 1:00 PM at Sacred Heart Catholic Church, 5752 Blanding Blvd., Jacksonville, FL 32244. The family requests that donations made in Jen’s memory be forwarded to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, Donor Services, PO Box 4072, Pittsfield, MA 01202.
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Gainesville Sun Obituary I never ran...

Hey everyone...not sure how many of you still check the site, but there are some things I have been meaning to post for some time now. I really wanted to run two obituary notices down in Florida, in the Florida Times-Union for Jacksonville, and The Gainesville Sun. Unfortunately, obituaries are EXTREMELY expensive to run in newspapers, and I figured Jen would kick my ass for spending as much as they were asking for. Here is what would have run in the Sun:

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Jennifer Knapper Baker
College Administrator

Jennifer Knapper Baker, 28, died from complications from a 7-month battle with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML) on August 10, at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, MD. She lived in Arlington, VA.

Jennifer was born February 12, 1978 in Kalamazoo, MI to Robert K. and Janice K. Knapper. She graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Environmental Science from Allegheny College in 2000 and with a Master of Education in Student Personnel in Higher Education from the University of Florida in 2003.

In her two years of study in Gainesville, Jennifer worked as a Graduate Hall Director for both Jennings Hall and Beaty Towers. She was heavily involved in the Department of Residence Life, serving on numerous committees and earning a number of awards, including Advisor of the Year and the ROSE (Recognizing Outstanding Student Employees) Award. Outside of her job and studies, Jennifer enjoyed attending Gator football games and seeing gators in the wild. Some of her favorite spots were Lake Alice, Lake Wauberg, and the Alachua Sink.

After graduation, Jennifer was united in marriage to Jeremy J. Baker on June 21, 2003 at Atlantic Beach, FL. After returning from her honeymoon, Jennifer worked as an Area Coordinator at The University of North Florida in Jacksonville, FL from 2003 to 2005. Since June 2005, Jennifer served as the Assistant Director of Residence Life and Judicial Affairs Manager at Marymount University in Arlington, VA. Jennifer also previously worked as an Area Coordinator for Hobart & William Smith College in Geneva, NY, from 2000 to 2001.

Jennifer belonged to numerous professional organizations within the higher education field, including SEAHO, ACUHO-I, NASPA, and ACPA.

Jennifer is preceded in death by her father, Robert K. Knapper.

Jennifer is survived by her husband of 3 years, Jeremy J. Baker of Arlington, VA; her mother Janice K. Knapper of Kalamazoo, MI; her sister Marie A. Knapper of Kalamazoo, MI; and a long list of extended family and friends across the country.

A memorial service for Jennifer will be held on Saturday, September 9 at 1:00 PM at Sacred Heart Catholic Church, 5752 Blanding Blvd., Jacksonville, FL 32244. The family requests that donations made in Jen’s memory be forwarded to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, Donor Services, PO Box 4072, Pittsfield, MA 01202.
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Jacksonville Directions

For those who need directions in Jacksonville...

Sacred Heart Church
5752 Blanding Blvd
Jacksonville, FL 32244

Scott & Susan Hause
4826 Ducheneau Dr
Jacksonville 32210

Kalamazoo Gazette Obituary

Here is the link for Jen's hometown newspaper obituary:

http://www.legacy.com/Kalamazoo/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=18919876

A good resource to find all obituaries for Jen is at www.legacy.com


Jeremy

A General Update

Hi everyone...I figured I would finally post an update. Obviously this has been a difficult time, filled with sorrow and laughter, and a deep sense of loss. That Thursday will be burned into my memory for as long as I live.

The day started out early, around 6 AM, with a great sense of dread, and many tears knowing the events planned for later that morning. The doctors came in around 9 AM, confirmed the plan to remove the breathing tube, and left us. The folks from respiratory came in around 9:45 AM, and the process of removing the tube was fairly simple. We all gathered around Jen's hospital bed, fearful that her body would not continue breathing without assistance. There were again a lot of tears, silent prayers, and we held on to Jen's hand, wishing for one last squeeze. Jen did continue to breathe, and was still fighting and hanging on as the first hour slipped by. The anticipation of that first hour left each of us in the room (Marie, Jan, me, my mom, and Jen's Aunt Sue) a little drained. After an hour, maybe an hour and a half, Jen began to cough, eventually expelling a blood clot. They had not warned us that the removal of the breathing tube had probably cut the back of Jen's throat. In her condition, she could not stop the bleeding. I don't even remember how much time elapsed, but the coughing fits continued, and Jan and I simply went into crisis mode, helping the nurses suction the blood Jen was coughing up. The nurses had tried to suction through Jen's nose...unfortunately, all they accomplished was creating two nose bleeds that we tried in vain to stop. After what seemed like a lifetime, we managed to get the situation "under control".

As fate would have it, the Operating Room that day had an emergency that required all the hospital's platelet supply, or so we were told. There would be no help to curb Jen's bleeding. The situation was calm enough to allow Jen's co-workers Wendy, Heather, and Jill to come in and visit one last time with Jen. The hours ticked by, and amazingly Jen's body continued to breath at a steady rate. In my head, I started to plan to be up all night, and as long as it would take. All the coughing fits and bleeding had required that Jen's medicines be upped to keep her comfortable and as free of pain as possible. I asked the nurses to increase the meds throughout the afternoon as it looked like Jen was laboring slightly and looked to be in some pain. I don't wish the responsibility of making that call on anyone...it is agonizing, and you second-guess yourself constantly. So much happened...I had a few moments alone with Jen, where I let her know how much I loved her and how much I would miss her. I prayed for her to gain God's grace, and be in peace. Around 3 PM, the bleeding returned, and we once again snapped into crisis mode, taking care of suctioning and cleaning the blood up. The day was slightly frustrating...the nurses and staff wanted to give us our space and time with Jen, but she needed their attention, and at times I wondered why I was the one doing all of this. To be clear, I don't regret or resent anything that I had to do that day...I promised to love Jen in sickness and health, for better or for worse, until death do us part....I intended to live those words, and I would have done anything to give her a sense of peace that day.

Around 4 PM, Jen's breaths started to change, and I whispered that it was ok for her to go. It is hard to describe the feelings you have at that point. I never wanted to let Jen go, but I was ready to see her in peace. Things continued to deteriorate, and with her family and loved ones beside her, Jen passed around 5 PM. There were plenty of tears, sobbing, hugs...no matter how hard you try to prepare, there is nothing to make you ready for that moment. After we faced the task of saying goodbye, and cleaning out the hospital room.

The past week has been surreal. Jen's family left on Wednesday, after we went to Baltimore to gather Jen's ashes. We spent time before that organizing the house in Woodbridge, looking through pictures, and trying to take care of the inevitable tasks death requires. I returned to work on Thursday, and had the Marymount memorial on Friday. It's so weird...Jen's sister Marie and I remarked that it felt like it had been weeks since Jen died, and yet it was still extremely raw and present. The entire week has felt the same way, and I know that before I realize it, the holidays will be on top of me, bringing a new wave of emotions. I want to thank everyone for the prayers and thoughts, and to everyone who came to see Jen.

I would ask that flowers be sent to the memorial services rather than our home. If you wish to make a donation in Jen's name, we ask that it be made to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, so that hopefully in our lifetime, this disease isn't such a death sentence. If you wish to make a donation to help cover any costs associated with Jen's services, please e-mail me at jeremyj.baker at gmail.com I will try to keep everyone updated on what is happening. Thank you again...

Jeremy

Michigan Memorial Service

Hey everyone....here is the information for the memorial service to be held in Michigan:

Kalamazoo Missionary Church in Kalamazoo, MI
Saturday, August 26th @ 11 AM

The memorial service held today at Marymount University was very nice. It was easy to see the impact Jen had on people at this school in the short amount of time she was here.

Jeremy

Memorial Services for Jen

The following memorial services will be held in Jen's honor:

Marymount University
Friday, August 18 @ 11 AM

Sacred Heart Church in Jacksonville, FL
Saturday, September 9 @ 1 PM

Details will be forthcoming on the memorial service being planned in Michigan as details are finalized.

Please e-mail me if you need directions or have any questions. Thanks.

Jeremy

Post from Jill

While I was in the hospital library - Heather called telling me we were allowed to see Jen - but it might not be a pretty sight. I then decided to take my time to finish up my updating and emails - as I wasn't sure I could handle going into Jen's room.I got a cup of coffee and came to the 5th floor. I didn't see Heather or Wendy - and thought that I came to Baltimore for one reason - to see Jen. I decided that I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.
I walked into room 5C-11 and Wendy was sitting by Jen's side and Jeremy, sister, mom, aunt, heather, and mother-in-law was sitting in the room as well.After about 10 minutes Wendy asked if she could say a prayer before she had to take her flight. Of course that was okay - and Wendy said a beautiful prayer. Everyone in the room cryed as Wendy spoke. I can't remember most of what she said - but she mentioned how beautiful and amazing of a person Jen is.
Jeremy, Heather and I walked Wendy to her car, made sure she was okay to drive to the airport and hugged her goodbye.
We walked back up to the room and sat with Jen again. Today the nurses were not visiting as often - even though Jen needed them to. Jen's mother-in-law ended up explaining to the nursing staff that Jen is still a patient even if she is on her way to a better place....after that - the nurses didn't really leave Jen's side.
Not too long after Heather went out of the room to call Kelly, during this time the family stood besides Jen. I continued to sit in the background. Jen's breathing slowed down quite a bit...I then texted Chef and stated "she is dying". Then her eyes opened half way and the family began crying. The nurse informed us this was normal. I could feel her spirit leaving us - I began to sob. I quickly left the room to find Heather - as she was the only one who was not with Jen at that moment.
When I left the room I saw everyone at the Nurse's station staring at a screen - I assumed it showed that Jen was dying at that moment. I quickly went the other direction. A social worker chased me and asked if I was alright - I walked faster and nodded my head. I told the social worker I was just looking for my friend.The social worker left me be and I walked to search for Heather....she was in the waiting room talking on the phone...she saw me sobbing....told the phone she had to go and held me and asked me what happened.
I exclaimed that I thought Jen was dying and maybe we shouldn't go back there...the family was there and I didn't want to get in the way. Heather suggested we walk to the nurse's station. We got there quick - I don't remember the walk.The nurse had red eyes - and I knew, but I had to make sure. I asked outloud to the nurse "did she pass" - all she did was nod as she put on her purple latex gloves.
Heather sobbed louder than before....I sobbed and hugged Heather. Jeremy's mom came out of the room and hugged us. She told us "Jen is in a better place now," she told us Jen wasn't in anymore pain and continued to hold us. Then Jen's mom came out and told us to come see Jen because she is not in pain anymore. We walked in Jen's room and I went to her bedside and rubbed her bald head. It was so soft...tiny little fuzzes were on it. I made a wish - thinking she would want me to. Heather rubbed Heather's arm and one of the mother's hands rubbed my back. I then looked around the room and wondered if Jen's spirit was floating around watching us telling us it was alright...just like in the show "GhostWhisperer" hoping it is truly like that.
I then grabbed my bag and told Heather I had to write. I came out to the waiting room - and decided to send a few text messages - as I was still sobbing. All I wrote was "she is gone" and sent to everyone who I thought would want to know. I then sent Chef an extra message telling him how I wish he was with me. He sent one back stating he wanted to hold me. I got many messages from people stating they were sorry. Some people called me back - but talking is not possible for me at the moment.
Heather came out to the waiting room and began making the calls. I just typed and typed....Aunt Sue came out and made more calls and so did mother-in-law.
And now - we are here....and I must say...the hardest and one of the best experiences I ever went through.

For Jen

Please keep the prayers coming today that Jen will be comforted on her journey home.